This morning I woke up and I felt sad. I'm not sure why. I think part of it was that I'm feeling really anxious about moving (yes, I'm moving again. I'll still be in Fresno, but now I'll have a POOL!!), part of it is that the month of May is just crrrrrazy always and the other part is that I felt as though one of the relationships that's been really present in my life for that past year and a half is disappearing. And I just woke up feeling alone and overwhelmed.
That's the thing though. I get in these mindsets where I think, I don't need that person - I'm fine on my own. And I try to be all "Miss Independent." Or I think, I don't need people to help me move. I don't need to quit packing my schedule. I get to a point where I think I'm invincible and the way I fill voids where people or activities once were is by packing tasks into my day so that I'm too busy to notice that they're gone or that something's missing.
And then I start to get anxious and overwhelmed because I'm overdoing things. And I eventually get to a breaking point (much like I was at this morning) where I realize that this is right where God wants me. Because in my moments of extreme weakness, that's when I realize that I need God's strength. I've tried everything on my own and I can't do it anymore; and that's when my Type-A personality is willing to put it in God's hands.
As I realized my brokenness and my need for God's strength and His plan, I prayed to him the entire time that I got ready for work. The more I talked to God, the more my anxieties were quieted. It's a continual lesson for me to realize that I can't make my life's schedule - I can't try to fill it with the people that I want to, when I want to...I have to trust in God's perfect planning skills. After all, he created my Type A-ness, so surely he understands where I'm coming from. :)
If you're feeling overwhelmed or anxious, just let it go. Cast your cares on God. They might not all get fixed right away like you want them to, but at least do yourself a favor and give your worries to Him. He'll take care of it from there.
"Be still and know that I'm God!" -Psalm 46:10
"Give all your worries and care to God because He cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7